I’ve decided that will be my word for the new year, 2020, and that’s what I’ve been praying for lately.
The end of the year hasn’t exactly gone how I’d hoped. It wasn’t terrible and definitely could’ve been worse, but the truth is, it got me down and that has been feeling anxious for the start of a new year.
I’ve been taking a little break because I overdid it and burnt myself out. I’ve been struggling with my inner critics and truly contemplating if I can do this anymore. I’m trying to be honest with myself and listen to my heart. Being a small business owner and creative is NO JOKE!! I'm blessed to have the support of so many, but when it's just me trying to keep it all together the load gets quite heavy and it kind of broke me this Fall.
This has been a crazy year and I crammed A LOT in. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but I felt like I was all over the place. I tried A LOT of things, some were a success and some definitely failed.
I thought by now I’d have it all figured out, but with each passing year, I’ve gotten sidetracked and lost site of any real direction. So NO MORE grasping at straws. I’m taking the time to evaluate what I’ve done and where I want to go. This isn’t over yet, but it’s time for some serious changes. It’s time to truly grow and do the hard things that are uncomfortable. I have a better idea of what to focus on and what to set aside for some other day or to never come back to again.
I know my talents and drive are a gift from God and I'm trying to use them the best I can. I wouldn’t have made it this far without trusting that I'm following God's plan for me. Even though I'm having doubts and fears of the future, my faith is stronger than that and God is the greatest. There is so much to be thankful for this year and I feel truly blessed. These are the things I'm trying to focus on so the negativity won't keep me down. Easier said than done and it'll be a process. At least I'm here and willing to do the work.
I wanted to share this with you, not for sympathy, but to remind you there's a real person/people behind every business and we're trying really hard. We all put out our best images and messages, from the other side you might think we have it all together, but most of us feel like we don't know what we're doing. I sure feel like that A LOT. We get good at faking it, but sometimes that makes us feel like a fraud. It's hard to be authentic and professional while wearing all the hats. That's why I felt compelled to share this, to let you in on some of the behind the scenes. I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for YOU. Your support and encouragement mean so very much and is truly one of the things that keep me going on the tough days. I try to bring joy and encouragement to others, but sometimes it's you bringing it to me. So, thank you for being part of the blessings this year, I hope we can all keep growing together.
Take a moment to give yourself credit for what you've accomplished this year. Even the little things. Otherwise, it will never feel like enough. And you ARE doing enough... Probably MORE than enough. You are wonderful and do wonderful things.
This all being said, I'm going to try to take a different approach next year. Something I haven't really tried yet and that's being more intentional with my decisions and not try to do it all... because I know I can't. If there's any true hope for this to succeed, I need to say no to some things and only yes to the things that are in line with the path I want to be on. No more feeling like a chicken with its head cut off.
I encourage you to join me!! I'm starting this journey by reading the book, Essentialism by Greg McKeown. If you have any other resources that you've found helpful for feeling less overwhelmed and getting your mind right, I'd love to hear!! I'm starting a reading list for the year and would love more recommendations. Please leave a comment below so we can all share in the journey together.
Here are some of my favorite events, accomplishments, and memories from 2019
It was a dream come true getting to work with Ben Clark of B-Unlimited to create this completely upcycled collection of wearable art to showcase on the NW Arkansas Fashion Week runway.
Showcased on the runway in the Spring (above). Got to wear pieces from the collection to the show in the Fall (below).
Honored to have the collection on display at The Art Collective Gallery
Another dream come true:
The beautiful Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art is carrying my wearable art accessories in their gift shop
Having the opportunity to share my art in any outlet is so special, but getting to teach people and see them create their very own totally unique piece is THE BEST!!
Really loved the opportunity to teach a workshop at the Wild Wondrous Women's Retreat in Glen Arbor, MI. Will hopefully be back at it next summer.
Just a few shots from a couple fun photoshoots this year.
The Interns from each semester, graduated at The University of Arkansas. Thankful for their help and glad to be able to share my experiences and knowledge with them too.
The rest are just fun memories and some silliness because we all need to remember to take time to play. Hopefully next year I'll be better at work / life balance.
Thank you to everyone who has been here for 2019. After taking this time to sort through this past year, I'm now looking forward to what 2020 has to offer. It's still scary, but I know it will be ok.